Member-only story
Conversation with a Non-Binary Friend
They weren’t offended when I called them “she”
I recently made a new friend. Upon first meeting, I suspected this person might be trans, because of the hairstyle, fashion choices, etc. But I didn’t ask. I focused on getting to know them as an individual.
Ultimately this is how meaningful relationships are forged — not between tribes but between individuals. We might say we love a group, but our deepest feelings are for particular people.
At least, this is what I think. I’m OK if you disagree.
And that’s really what this story is about.
Because, not knowing what my new friend wanted, I called them “she” when someone else asked us a question.
What was pretty awesome?
My friend was not offended.
We’d been talking a little about their identity because they had mentioned how their parents had reacted when they came out. And I found the story very interesting. I also shared some of my own experiences, and we had a great bonding experience.
So it was within that context that I realized — I called them by a feminine pronoun, and I had no idea if that was what they wanted. So I asked.
