Disastrous dates I’ve had
I started dating again a couple of years ago, after 18 years of marriage. Talk about a shock. Dating has changed a lot in the last couple of decades. For those of you who are over 40, you know what I mean.
For the most part, I’ve had a lot of fun. As I talk about elsewhere, I’m a one-breasted cancer survivor who is overweight and over 50. So my expectations were low.
I was pleasantly surprised. Low expectations win again!
I ended up having a lot of fun. I met interesting men from all sorts of backgrounds. For a while I joked that I was dating the United Colors of Benetton because I’d see an Indian programmer one day, then a Jewish lawyer the next and an Irish fireman the day after that. It was fun.
Some of the guys morphed into friends. A couple of them introduced me to former girlfriends that I hit it off with, so I’ve even made women friends through this process. Weird, right? And I finally got to check out the Austin live music scene. Yeah!
But, despite my overall positive experience, I have had a few negs.
Though, to be fair, even these are not that bad, because, you see, I ruthlessly cull before I agree to meet anyone for coffee.
Here’s a little tip if you’re doing the online dating thing — safety first. Do a background check. Yes, it costs you. But how much is your life worth?
Not everyone I dated was someone I met online. Meetups, bookstores, coffee shops, etc., are still good places to meet people. I met this one guy who I dubbed “Thor” in the grocery aisle. I was picking up peaches while he was picking up me. Well, he didn’t literally pick me up… but he could have. Why do you think I called him “Thor”?
He was eye candy, and sweet, and funny. But… he semi-proposed to me on the third date. So I guess that actually does qualify as a disaster. I had to give him the “let’s just be friends” speech, which made both of us very sad.
Here’s another tip — men reveal themselves by the third or fourth date. They can’t seem to hold it together longer than that. So if you can exercise a little bit of patience…
As far as awful first dates, here, in no particular order, are my worst experiences.
There was the short guy who contacted me through OKCupid. I wasn’t attracted to him. But… he did seem fairly bright and his initial message made me smile. I figured I’d give him a chance.
We met for coffee, which is my go-to first date. It’s casual. It allows you to talk. You’re not committed to sitting through dessert, so you can leave if you need to. And it’s cheap — particularly if you don’t order any fancy drinks. Which I don’t on a first date. I get plain coffee. Maybe an Americano.
Short guy had come on strong prior to our first meeting. We’d messaged several times and when we talked on the phone he made it clear he was enthused about me.
In person, he was self-centered. He talked about himself incessantly. He complained about how hard it was to date because of his height. Well, I’ve known short guys who have no problems with ladies.
I had a friend back in college who was 5'4" with shoes on. He was an aero engineer. We’d talk about composite materials because, hey, I’m a geek and so was he. He had a girlfriend who was 5'6". She always seemed happy. But then, he had a personality and I suspect he had an agile tongue.
I suspect he would also have paid for our first date… the short guy I went out with did not. Even though he asked me out.
Note to men — if you ask a girl out for coffee, be a mensch and pick up the tab.
Wanting to be polite, I asked, as I got up, how he thought it went. Besides, it’s always good to get feedback, right?
His response, “Well, I’m sorry to say this, but you’re too old for me.”
Excuse me? Who asked who out? Did you not read my profile? I’ve got the age right there, in black and white.
So that was a waste of time.
Another bad date — the guy who confronted me on our first date because women are inherently dishonest. We’d barely sat down when he started kvetching. I was very glad we met in a coffee shop, I left as soon as I’d inhaled my java.
Note to men: If you hate women, please don’t date us. We have enough problems in our lives without your negative energy.
Then there was the guy who cursed profusely. Every other word out of his mouth was f*ck. On a positive note, he took me to play pinball, and so I didn’t have to listen to him talk for most of the date.
Finally, there was the man who asked me to go dancing for our first date. I agreed because love to dance. He was a good dancer, but he kept scoping out other girls. I felt like his “wing girl”. Then he called me the next day to ask me out again. LOL. I politely told him I didn’t think we were a match.
But, technically, that wasn’t actually a bad date. I did enjoy myself immensely, because I got to dance…
So here’s the thing. Even a bad date isn’t bad if you end up having fun. Just because you don’t ever want to see the guy again doesn’t mean it has to be a waste of time… you might even meet someone else.
One time I met a guy for coffee and he got up to use the bathroom. I knew we had no chemistry. While he was gone, the guy sitting at the table next to ours gave me a smile and a wink.
I smiled back. We started to chat. By the time my date came back, we’d exchanged numbers.