Member-only story
Fairness is important in relationships
That doesn’t mean same or equal though
When I go out with men, they usually pay. Does that make it unfair?
I don’t think so. It all comes down to attitude. When I go out with someone, I try to put myself in his shoes, and I try to think of what he needs and wants from me. I expect him to do the same.
Right now, I’m on a really tight budget. I had two harsh cancers that impacted my ability to work and when my husband left, he offered to pay support, then didn’t. Not because he’s a bad person, but he made unwise choices. I’m not angry at him, but the reality is that I’m scrambling.
Most of the men I’ve dated, on the other hand, have a decent income. So they treat me. Which is really nice, but, on the other hand, I only go out with men that I would want if the situation was reversed.
In other words, if I were flush and they were watching their pennies, would I still want to go out with them? Would I be willing to treat them? If I can’t honestly answer yes to this, I don’t go out with them.
Because I’m actually looking for something long term.
And a healthy, long term relationship requires reciprocity and fairness. Not equality, not sameness, but fairness.
