For me, I don’t keep score. I’m a late bloomer. I didn’t have sex until my late 20s. Part of that is that I’m religious. Anyway, my ex husband always gave me oral. While I kissed and caressed him down there, I never gave him a BJ and he never pushed for it. Since our divorce, I have given my first BJ to the guy I’m currently dating. I like doing it, it’s fun. I also like getting oral. But for me, it’s not a tit for tat kind of thing, and the sex cannot be separated from the relationship as a whole.

When my ex husband and I were first married, sex was awesome despite the lack of experimentation and variety because our love was so strong. I honestly can’t enjoy sex without that emotional component. I have to respect someone and care about them.

Right now, I’m going through a second youth, experimenting with my current lover. We do all sorts of things. But does that make the sex better? No. It’s more fun but not BETTER. Because what makes it good for me is the fact that we respect and love each other.

If a guy ever tried to push my head down, then I’d probably bite him rather than lick him. I mean, I’m in the position of power down there, right? And he’d better respect me and not take me for granted. Also, if he wants any sorta sex with me, HE had better be clean and shave his balls if they are super hairy. I mean, come on. I’m not putting my mouth on him if he’s disgusting. By the same vein, I always make sure I’m freshly showered whenever we have sex.

I like men and I love my lover but if he doesn’t treat me right I will leave.

FYI, I am not trying to be judgy here. I know lots of women like hookups and uncomplicated sex, some women don’t like oral performed on them and some women like men who are aggressive and forceful. I don’t want to rain on anyone else’s parade.

I know women who have husbands who take much more than they give sexually. But the women are OK with it because the men give more in other areas… so there is that aspect of it too.