He doesn't respect you. Respect is more important than love in relationships.

One reason he doesn't respect you is that you don't respect yourself. That is the real problem. And you are abdicating your responsibility by not protecting your vulnerable daughter.

Talk to your partner. If he doesn't believe you, play some of the recordings of your son's rants. Tell your partner that your child (18 year old daughter) needs to be protected and that you also need a safe place without the crazy drama. Then work with your partner to form a game plan. Include your daughter if she would like to be part of this - it might help her feel empowered to know that she can help resolve this situation.

My approach would be to stop talking to your son and just take action. Rent a motel room for a month, move your son's stuff there, change your locks, and tell him that's his new home. (If you can find a month-to-month apartment, you could do that instead). He will have to find a job. He might only be able to get something paying minimum wage in which case you and your husband can offer to subsidize some of his expenses... with strings attached.

If he wants you to cover his cell phone? He comes over for dinner and acts politely and respectfully to everyone. Any outbursts and he doesn't get his cell phone covered that month.

It's amazing how well behavior modification can work when there are real consequences with teeth.