I am a non-white woman who went to MIT and scored one of the highest scores to get into Stuyvesant High School, and qualified for a prestigious grad school fellowship. The ONLY reason I was able to achieve these things - I focused on the academics, not my race or gender. In fact, I made a point of NOT trying to qualify for the fellowship using my gender (I could have done that and increased my chances but chose not to) because I wanted to prove that I didn't need the hand-out. And that helped me to feel more empowered.

Being given preferential treatment takes away your power. Achieveing it on your own merits gives you power. At least, the only type of power that really matters.