I feel for y’all. Here’s my thought, take it for what it’s worth. Men don’t change. Women are much more flexible. So women, don’t marry a “fixer-upper” — assume that the guy you are dating is the guy you will marry. It’s true for the most part. Sure, there are stories of an essentially lazy guy getting some motivation after they have kids, because he feels responsible for his children, but don’t bank on it.

When I was dating, I kept my eyes open about stuff like — does he keep a clean house? When I’m over, does he offer to get me a beverage or cook me a meal, or does he expect me to pick up after him? Stuff like that. When I finally got married, he did more than his share of the housework. Now, he had other issues, but that was one area we never had problems. Now, I did get all the presents for his relatives as well as mine over Christmas, I was the one who bought his Mom a mother’s day bouquet and sent his dad a card, etc., but I didn’t mind doing that kind of thing. My husband cleaned the bathrooms, took out the trash and did most of the grocery shopping and half the cooking — I was a happy camper.

But the thing is — there are reasons we marry who we do. If you are marrying someone that you find yourself “mothering” then ask yourself why you are doing that. I made my own mistakes with my husband and since our divorce I’ve had to ask myself some hard questions so that I don’t, hopefully, make the same mistakes again.