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I have to be the oldest son
Death and the obligations of being Indian
I have been diagnosed with metastatic brain cancer. It’s a type IV. Prognosis? A few months.
That’s life and I’m OK with it. I’ve made my peace.
But my mother will survive me.
In Indian culture, we take care of our parents.
We don’t put them in old age homes. Well, we do now, sometimes. Modernity has come even to India.
I’m not even really Indian. I grew up in New York City. But I still feel obligated to care for my mother.
In reality, I could pass this off to my brother.
In Hindu culture, it is the oldest son’s responsibility. But I would not trust my brother to take care of my cat, let alone my mother. The last time Mom was left a widow in his house she almost died.
She’s a diabetic. He didn’t take her to the doctor for 18 months. Every time I called to talk to her she was crying.
I moved her in with me even though this is not what happens in India. I became her son.
It sounds sexist, but this is the role I am playing in Indian culture. The daughter receives the dowry and the fancy wedding, the son inherits the property and takes care of the parents.
