I think you are too hard on your Dad. Look at what he had to overcome — a virulently racist father, growing up in a sundown town, Jim Crow…

I grew up in New York City. I had friends of all colors. I never thought anything of it, until I moved to small town South Carolina.

I was appalled by the blatant racism. But, at the same time… when my car broke down, the same guy who casually said the n word stopped to make sure I was OK. I’m a woman of color. He still helped me out.

I saw this over and over. People being decent and kind despite personal prejudices.

Once my roommates and I let a dark skinned Sri Lankan girl sleep on our couch for a few weeks. She was going through real financial hardship. I saw how people from our church treated her — people who came from racist backgrounds but yet went out of their way to help this girl.

Frankly, I prefer people who ACT with love even if sometimes they SAY stupid crap to people who say all the right things but can’t spare a moment to actually help anyone out.

Don’t get me wrong, I get angry when I encounter blatant racism, and sometimes I’d call people out for it.

One time, this guy was talking down to a Chinese man because of his broken English. It made me furious, and I confronted him — “Stop talking to him like he’s an idiot,” I said. “He is from a foreign country, not stupid. How do you think you’d do if you were in China? Could you speak Chinese? No? Then have a little respect for someone speaking a language totally different than the one he grew up with.”

The guy looked at me like I’d blown his mind. He had never considered the perspective I’d just given him, never put himself in the shoes of a Chinese person in a foreign country.

My point was not to be mean, but to get him to think. When I read about your Dad, I try to see his perspective, and if I were in his shoes, I don’t know if I would be as decent as he is being. Look where he’s come from.

If you’re religious, pray for him. But don’t judge him. He’s doing the best he can, IMHO. He is making progress. Maybe someday he will do better.