I think you make a valid point.

Here is the thing — SOME men are lazy, disinterested fathers. They spend time playing video games and so on. Just like SOME women are lazy and make excuses. It’s really easy to generalize but that isn’t particularly fair or helpful.

There is also a false equivalency set up where every hour of mom’s time is considered equal to an hour of dad’s time. But that’s the way to encourage functional, healthy families. As an example — when I was in college, I worked on a team project with another woman and a man who happened to be a frat member. The other woman and I probably did 80% of the work. However, the guy, because of his membership in the frat, was able to bring in resources we needed that we wouldn’t have gotten any other way. Instead of being resentful that he only worked 20%, we figured we were all contributing what we could — we did extra work while he got us those necessary resources.

Similarly, in a family… maybe Dad only spends 8 hours a week while Mom spends 14 on childcare. But maybe Dad is also a whiz at keeping the car running, or doing all the heavy lifting. If Mom was a single mom, she would be taking that car to the mechanic and trying to find neighbors or friends to help her with the lifting…

Can a single woman go it on her own. Absolutely! I am all about the empowerment of women and I believe they should have equal opportunities. I was at an art exhibit this last weekend of Berthe Morisot, and it’s a shame that she is not more well known — but, partly because she was a woman impressionist, she was not as recognized despite the quality of her work. And many women artists in that era (including Morisot’s sister) had to give up their careers when they got married. There are valid arguments to be made that sexism and traditional roles does hamper women’s careers.

But OTOH, we need some perspective. We can talk about the lists women keep in their heads that men don’t, but what about the responsibility that men feel to support their families? What drives men with children so much harder? Men feel anxiety and worry about making sure that bills are paid and that they will be able to send their kids to college, etc., that sometimes women don’t feel, because men have the responsibility of primary breadwinner…

Again, these are generalizations. There are some stinky, irresponsible men. But not all women are saints, there are some who take advantage of men, too. It’s really, really important to be fair and not just pile on men…