I’m a Desi woman and I’ve had no problem finding men to date. One thing I do is join Meetups and make friends vs. just the online dating thing, but I’ve had no problems with the online apps either. There are some white men who are not interested in SE Asians; I don’t have any issues with that because sexual attraction is such a personal thing. I personally don’t care about the race of the person I date.

I currently have a white boyfriend. I was open to dating other Desi men (it would certainly make my mom happy!) but the ones I found in my local area were weird. Same with other types of Asian men — they either only wanted to date skinny white women or they had some serious kinks. It made me wonder — if you’re a Desi man and you only want to date white women — maybe you have some self-esteem issues? If you truly love yourself, why would you want to avoid people who look more like you?

Here’s the thing. You have to love yourself. And then you have to find people who appreciate you for who you are as a person.

If I were a Desi man (or any Asian) I would NOT want a woman to date me because I had high earning potential. I would want someone who actually liked me for me. I want to be seen as a human being, not a commodity or a retirement plan.

Though I hate to make these generalizations because sexual attraction is so personal — a hetero man is not prejudiced against gays, he just doesn’t find another penis attractive. Same thing with race. Some white people only find white skin a turn on. It’s not necessarily prejudice. And same with Desi men… if you really don’t find Desi women attractive, it’s not “your fault”.

However, it could be part of the issue if you’re a Desi man who can’t find women to date. If all you are interested in is skinny white chicks, then you’re maybe missing opportunities. Maybe a slightly overweight Chicana or black woman or fellow Desi is the person who can make you happy. Inner beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, and finding someone who gets you and actually loves YOU (vs your money) is better in the long run than being with someone who looks like a super model.