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Men need the freedom to complain too

We want to be heard, but do we hear them?

Shefali O'Hara
2 min readMay 17, 2020
Photo by Ayo Ogunseinde on Unsplash

We women say we’re into intimacy. And we are. We are the glue that holds relationships together, right? If it wasn’t for us, would our men ever leave their caves, or send their mother flowers? Hold on though. Lest we pat ourselves on the back too much…

Men are also good at relationships. They just do it differently.

And sometimes, believe it or not, they may have an insight that we need to listen to. The problem is… while often women want men to listen to us (and they should!), we may not want to listen to them if they notice a problem in the relationship.

Why not?

Because it’s uncomfortable to hear criticism, and men don’t make it easier. They are less trained to use softer language and less likely to mix in the criticism with praise — a spoon full of sugar to make the medicine go down, so to speak.

Part of this is because men have been taught to bottle up their feelings. Which makes it even more important to listen to them when they do speak up.

If your partner is courageous enough to say “I don’t feel heard in this relationship” or “I feel neglected sometimes” or any other such complaint — be grateful.

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Shefali O'Hara
Shefali O'Hara

Written by Shefali O'Hara

Cancer survivor, Christian, writer, engineer. BSEE from MIT, MSEE, and MA in history. Love nature, animals, books, art, and interesting discussions.

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