No, you do not come across as too harsh. And I appreciate the honesty. I'm all for honest dialog, we can't learn unless we communicate.

From my perspective - when I have experienced racism (which I have, as a POC), I wipe the dust off my feet, to quote the Bible.

When I worked for a company with a racist and sexist culture, I quickly left. I did not stay in a toxic environment, instead I found a company that treated me with respect.

When I've met people in social situations that came across as racists, I did not try to become their friends - I gave them the cold shoulder and moved on.

In this way, I maintain my own dignity. Plus, it is much easier to change MY behavior than to try to get others to change. Since I am a good friend and worker, it's their loss.

When I am abused - I leave. To me, this is simply practical. It is not about assigning blame, it's about fixing the problem.

If every white person I dealt with was racist, I'd avoid white people. Nothing wrong with that.

To somehow think it's necessary to associate with white people - well, that's ridiculous. It implies they are superior, and they are not. I have lots of white friends but they would not be my friends if they were racist and I don't see them as superior to my black friends.

And you are right, Tokyoterri has experiences I will never have. But I have experiences she will never have. We can all learn from each other. The only reason I mentioned the tutoring, etc., is to let her know that I'm not anti-black. I genuinely think that black people have dealt with a lot of crap, but I feel it is condescending to imply that they need to associate with white people. They don't.

But my perspective is probably different from many; I want a life with the minimum of stress and drama, so I avoid unpleasant people.

You come across as a genuinely beautiful person and I wish you well even if we don't necessarily agree.