Respect is more important than love
I recently read about Brad Holmes. He put chili seeds on his girlfriend’s tampon, then posted a video of her screaming in pain on Facebook. Apparently this is a prank. I think it’s assault.
To put this in perspective that men might understand — what if the girlfriend decided to rub a chili on the inside of his condom? And then watched him scream in pain after he put it on his erect penis?
If you think that’s also funny….
The chili on a tampon shtick was only the latest in a series of so-called pranks that Holmes has played on his girlfriend. Apparently there are a whole series of youtube videos out there, not just of Holmes, but of others, who seem to think it’s hilarious to make their partners miserable and then to record this misery for posterity. Of course, in the process, they make money.
I’m not sure I want to delve into why people watch these videos. Instead, to me the most relevant question — why do the women (and it’s usually a woman) allow themselves to be used like this?
Even if it’s the way your boyfriend pays his bills, don’t you think it would be healthier for your relationship if he found a way to make money that didn’t involve humiliating his partner?
Many years ago, my husband and I had dinner with another couple. They were about 10 years older than we were and had a grown son, let’s call him Josh. He had a girlfriend, Angie.
After dinner, while we hung out in the family room, Angie decided to lie down on the couch. She was tired. Josh decided it would be hilarious to sit on her face and fart. While he was doing this, she whined and begged him to get off her. He didn’t care. Neither did his parents, apparently, because they didn’t say anything to him. My husband and I were appalled.
Earlier that evening, Josh’s mother, myself and Angie had been in the kitchen. While we talked it became obvious to me that Angie loved Josh and expected they would get married at some point. After the fart episode, it was obvious to me that wasn’t going to happen.
I was not surprised to find, when we saw them again a few months later, that Josh brought a new woman to dinner.
Mary was not as pretty as Angie. But she was feisty. It was obvious she wouldn’t have tolerated him farting on her face. The following year I heard they got married.
I have no idea if they’re still together or happy but I do know that it is never a good idea to stay with someone who doesn’t respect you. He may say he loves you. You might point to all sorts of evidence to show that he does care for you. None of that matters. If he does not respect you, you need to leave.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Sometimes couples joke around. People do play pranks on each other. It can be playful and cute. Sometimes it can even get a little rough. But it should never cross a line. You will know instinctively where that line is.
If he (or she) crosses it — don’t waste your time nagging at him to behave better. This doesn’t work because it makes you look weak. It won’t result in you being treated with more respect. What is better — leave. Walk out the door. Don’t argue, don’t make a fuss. Just leave.
Maybe he will have a come to Jesus moment if you do that and will apologize to you. You can give him another chance but don’t do this too many times. At some point if he hasn’t changed his behavior, an apology is no good.
Or, he might let you walk away. That’s fine. You need to be with someone who respects you. It is better to be alone than to be with someone who treats you badly.
To have a healthy relationship, you must first have respect. Let love follow.