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Setting Parameters For Cheating

Is it really cheating if you both agree?

Shefali O'Hara
3 min readFeb 26, 2023
Photo by We-Vibe Toys on Unsplash

I’m a Christian, so I believe in monogamy within marriage. Plus I was raised by super conservative Indian parents. So that is my personal modus operandi.

However, the world is made up of many types of people, and not all of them consider monogamy a good thing.

The way I look at it — if you are in a committed relationship with someone, sex should be one of the things you discuss. Actually, I think it’s something to resolve before you make a commitment. Certainly before you get engaged or married.

That’s because it’s one of the main areas which can lead to a relationship’s disintegration. And it will cause a lot less heartache if the split occurs early on, rather than after 20 years of marriage and several children.

Other areas include how you both manage finances, whether or not you both want children, etc. None of these are necessarily deal breakers, but it takes a high degree of flexibility and emotional maturity on both sides if there are major differences in outlook.

One area that can really blow up a marriage — sexual compatibility or lack of it.

If partner A loves oral sex but partner B hates it — that could be a problem. If partner A’s favorite sexual fantasy is a…

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Shefali O'Hara
Shefali O'Hara

Written by Shefali O'Hara

Cancer survivor, Christian, writer, engineer. BSEE from MIT, MSEE, and MA in history. Love nature, animals, books, art, and interesting discussions.

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