What is the say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions? Your parents’ intentions were good. They wanted the best for their children. But they cut you off from a part of your heritage and that’s left a hole in your heart.

It makes me wonder about Malia and Sasha Obama. I really admire the Obamas, and they have raised too beautiful daughters, but after reading your article… I know the Obama girls have gone to exclusive private schools. Do they also stay in touch with their black heritage?

I have successful black friends who grew up integrated into the black culture.

One of my dear friends grew up in a traditional family in the deep South, they lived in a mostly black community. He was surrounded by relatives and went to a black church where his grandmother was really active. He and one of his brothers are very successful. One brother is not.

I have another black friend who is a lawyer, she went to Duke law school. She grew up in “the ghetto”. Her mother was determined her daughter would do well. Again, from what she’s described, there was a large family, the church, etc. My friend never straightened her hair, neither did her mother. She’s beautiful and proud of her heritage. She married a white man from Scotland, their children are really in touch with both sides of their heritage. They visit and love the UK but they are also in touch with black culture.

The thing is — black people don’t have to give up important parts of their identity in order to be successful. If I were a black parent, I might pick and choose to some degree (for example, I might not want my children to listen to misogynistic lyrics) but you have to do that with ANY culture. My parents are from India, there are absolutely wonderful things about the culture but there are also things that I’m glad my parents shielded me from.

I think your parent threw the baby out with the bath water, to use another saying, but I think they meant well. It’s really hard to be a parent. I know my parents made mistakes too. It’s hard to cope with being an immigrant as well as a parent, that just adds a whole new category of pressure. So while I really feel sympathy for you I hope you and your parents are OK.