Why Do Men Treat You So Well?

Confused question asked by a friend

Shefali O'Hara
4 min readJun 6, 2022


Photo by Marvin Meyer on Unsplash

When I was in college, a friend asked me once, “Why do men treat you so well?”

“What do you mean?” I asked her.

“They always open doors for you.”

Now, I don’t know if most women care about that anymore. And many women don’t want men to do it for them. I’ve even seen women scold men for what I consider a simple act of courtesy.

I routinely prop a door open as I pass through so the next person just puts their hand out to keep it open instead of having the door bang in their face. If I see someone carrying packages or with mobility issues — then I wait and hold the door open. None of this is rocket science.

With friends, we hold the door open for each other.

However, on dates, I liked having men hold doors for me, and when they did it, I smiled and said thank you.

Some women say it signals you are helpless.

To me, it was a sign of their desire to serve me. Of caring for me, like they did by walking on the outside of the street, and carrying things for me, and so on. They were looking out for me and showing their feelings as men often do — through their actions.

Men often show their love through their actions, not words

I don’t know if it’s genetics or socialization, but many men I’ve known have a hard time saying they love you. They’d rather show it. It’s like men are all German. You know they love you because they never forget to take out the trash.

Being present is also important to them. Men show you they love you by showing up.

When my Dad was in the hospital, I worked on an assignment while sharing his hospital room. We didn’t talk. We didn’t share our feelings. But I was there. So he felt loved.

If you’re not sure what I’m talking about — watch a few episodes of King of the Hill.

To be fair, I didn’t like it until I moved to Texas and met the characters. They all exist with some variations here, and suddenly I found the show hilarious and decided Mike Judge was a genius.



Shefali O'Hara

Cancer survivor, writer, engineer. BSEE from MIT, MSEE, and MA in history. Love nature, animals, books, art, and interesting discussions.