Member-only story
Why the silent treatment works
And when it’s appropriate to use it
As an introvert, when I was younger the silent treatment was my go-to response when dealing with unfair situations or people. However, as I grew up I pushed myself to be more assertive. I don’t enjoy confrontation but I’ve realized that sometimes it’s necessary.
The real trick is knowing when to be speak up and when to stay quiet.
In long term relationships, I think it’s always better to be direct. If your friend or partner is doing something that bothers you and you never tell them what it is, that’s not fair to them. You can’t expect someone else to read your mind. The key is to talk with them before you get so upset that instead of calmly stating your viewpoint you explode. Explosions are good for blowing up bridges, not so much in relationships.
However, there are times when the silent treatment is better than being direct.
One obvious area — dealing with online trolls. If someone is being an ass, how does it help you to engage with them? Do you really think you can help them see the error of their ways?
Sometimes it’s really compelling to want to. Maybe they have called you a name and you want to defend yourself. Or maybe they are saying some awful misogynistic or racist crap and you really want to…
