Women, Divorce and Living Alone

While we like men, we don’t really need them

Shefali O'Hara
3 min readMay 20, 2022


Photo by Marina Piano on Unsplash

This morning I treated the fire ant mounds in my front yard. It’s not a pleasant task, but it needs to be done. These ants can kill baby birds, and, I hate to be a specie-ist, but I like birds a lot more than I like fire ants.

Plus I have pets and an elderly mother who lives with me. The last thing I need is to have them get bitten.

When I was married, my husband would have taken care of this for me.

I’m divorced now, though, so I do it myself.

There are lots of things I do that my husband used to take care of. There are other things for which I hire someone because I am not physically strong enough to deal with it.

While sometimes this is a pain — it’s worth it.

I am much happier now, as a person alone, than I was for much of my marriage.

I’ve had to learn how to do many things for myself. Like figuring out how to fix my garbage disposal, and how to fix the seal in my toilet’s tank, None of these required any special skills — I was able to watch YouTube videos and borrow a tool from a friend.

When I replaced a wall AC unit, I did have a male friend come over and help me install it, mostly because I couldn’t lift it myself. However, a female friend and I once fixed my fence when I was young and single. I’ve also had women friends help me change a tire.

The reality is that women are a lot more capable than they give themselves credit for.

The main thing holding us back is fear.

This often influences women to make bad decisions. They stay in relationships thinking they can’t live without a man. Well, of course they can.

Should they?

It depends.

If you are unhappy with your relationship but there are tangible things that can be done to improve it, then this is a better option. Assuming no one is abusive, it’s often worth it to work on a marriage. Often couples can overcome their issues and the relationship ends up stronger than ever.

Other times, though, either one or both partners just becomes more and more unhappy.



Shefali O'Hara

Cancer survivor, writer, engineer. BSEE from MIT, MSEE, and MA in history. Love nature, animals, books, art, and interesting discussions.