You are being honest and humble. Those are necessary for growth and change.

Some thoughts. People say that all mothers have this incredible bond - but they don't either. Some mothers feel disconnected too. So you are not alone, it's just that most people don't talk honestly about this stuff.

You could go to therapy. If you are a person of faith you could pray.

One thing to consider though - treat love as an act, not as an emotion.

For example, when I was married to my husband, there were times when I did not FEEL love towards him. When that happened, I would ACT with love. That made a huge difference.

Whether or not you FEEL love towards your boy, ACT as though you do.

Don't waste your time feeling guilty. There are men out there who claim to FEEL love towards their children, yet abandon them, don't pay support, don't spend time with them, etc. At least you are acting with love. Continue to do so, for your son's sake, and don't beat yourself up.