You are not the a**hole, your boyfriend is. He is neglecting his children.

Being a good parent is not about buying them stuff (though parents should support their children financially) or about playing ball with them or reading them bedtime stories, though these are also things parents should do. It is also about teaching them to respect themselves and others.

If your boyfriend is allowing these children, at 5 and 8, to steal from you, break your things and TORTURE YOUR CAT then he has failed in his responsibility as a parent.

Now, maybe the children have a developmental disorder or a condition such as autism, which makes it much more tough to train them. But assuming they are normal children, by the age of 5 they are old enough to know better.

There is NO REASON, at 5 and 8, they can’t understand simple rules and boundaries. Such as — don’t go into my girlfriend’s study.

There is NO REASON a 5 year old should be abusing an elderly cat or any animal.

Would you tolerate it if a 5 year old bullied, hit or tormented a 2 year old child? Hopefully not. So why is it OK for the child to do this to a cat?

Children who abuse animals can go on to bully other children who are smaller and more vulnerable, and they can become abusive adults. This is not a path you want a child to go down.

Respect is more important than love when it comes to healthy relationships. If a child does not learn to respect herself and others, how can she form meaningful friendships, hold a job, etc. Not learning impulse control and respect while young means a much harder future.

Sit down with your boyfriend and explain that while you totally support him spending time with his children, it is disrespectful of them to steal from you, ruin your stuff, torment your cat and not allow you to work. And it is therefore disrespectful of him as the father to allow this bad behavior.

He is the parent. He needs to step up to the plate and act like one. If he is not willing to do that, you should get your own place. You don’t need to break up with him, but I would have doubts about staying with a man who cannot understand how harmful his neglect is to his children.

At the very least, get locks for your bedroom and office doors and keep them locked when the children are there, and protect your cat.

BTW, I would also encourage your boyfriend to take his children for family counseling, just him and them, and also perhaps for individual counseling. Part of the reason they are acting out could be that they are hurting. It’s hard for children to express their pain sometimes. Making sure they have the help they need is also part of being a parent.

For the sake of those children, please encourage your boyfriend to get more involved in helping them.