Your husband is being a passive aggressive ass, JMHO.

I'd play the world's smallest violin for him, and tell him "poor you, you might have to wash a dish! you can choose to wash the dishes or you can choose to relax and I'll take care of it when I get home, but don't whine and complain."

You might want to sit down with him at some point and ask what he thinks a reasonable division of labor is. If you are spending 80 hours a week on all the stuff you do and he's spending 40 - there is a serious imbalance. If, on the other hand, he normally works 50 hours a week and you put in 60 with all the child care - well, it's probably fair. But when you're overwhelmed, it's OK for you to ask for help and it's not an imposition for him to sometimes help out. After all, he eats the food you cook, wears the clothes you wash, etc.

I like the suggestions to hire someone to clean your house once a week, etc., but I really object to your husband's passive-aggressive martyred attitude. He needs to zip i.